Impulse

Of all people, Joe Biden should understand that the recent criticism of his overly friendly ways with female colleagues, isn't entirely about him.

It's about the women themselves and the women watching. It's about an evolving understanding of consent and the conversation that drives that evolution.

If Biden had nuzzled the hair of Andrew Cuomo in front of his staff as the cameras were rolling, the story we're hearing, I believe, would be much different.

As people come out in force to cast doubt on the reasons why some are coming forward with these concerns -- that unwanted touching, even when innocently intended -- can be dispiriting and demoralizing to women, I find my own anger about to boil over.

The stance suggesting this is yet another subject that should remain taboo as we try to restore sanity in our government, makes me marvel at how little we seem to have learned from the events of the past few years.

From Hollywood to Washington, the message about women has been crystal clear: The old ways are over. 

Not everyone likes being touched, or crowded, or kissed, or having their personal space invaded unnecessarily or without permission. Not even in a genuinely paternal or grandfatherly way. Best not to assume.

Historically, women haven't had much choice in the matter. They've been treated like children who bristle as Great Aunt Gwynneth demands a hug and a kiss.

Women have tight-lipped-smiled their way through all manner of nonchalant physical liberty-taking, too. People rub our pregnant bellies, they massage our stiffened shoulders, they even pick us up and swing us around as if we were toys. 

We've also had to be silent when the touch is sinister. Those not afraid to make waves or overstep lines drawn in the sand, rarely find their lives improved. Just ask Anita Hill or Christine Blasey Ford.

The criticism against such criticism, however, sends an achingly clear message: Women are the lesser except in their reactions, which are out of proportion.

Yet, all presidential candidates - regardless of gender -- will have to deal with evolving issues of equality and fairness, especially in the age of Me Too. The one who is ultimately chosen to speak for all of us should have the best answer.

"I do not recall the incident," to quote my middle schooler: Well, that ain't it, chief.

I appreciate that Biden has acknowledged he is willing to listen and change his ways.

I hope he understands that a personal touch in politics means that others' personal space is just as custom fit.

He doesn't know the stories of the women who are talking, but it's not unlikely that their experiences as women will include some frightening moments beyond their control.

How many will have been victims of sexual harassment or assault? How many will have been reassigned or fired altogether while their alleged abusers continued on in their positions?

Of course the timing, you wonder. Why now?

Because it matters. The Big Tent demands we listen and learn. 

Electability, after all, doesn't have written-in-stone rules. Think about the "YEAH!" on a loop that sunk Vermont Gov. Howard Dean's hopes for the White House. And not even Donald Trump himself could have predicted the presidency would ever be his.

Clinton was eminently electable. Indeed, she won the popular vote. And yet we somehow ended up with a game show host leading the Free World instead.

Integrity is something that most if not all of the 2020 Democratic hopefuls possess. I would count Joe Biden among them should he choose to run. But we need to understand the past that will haunt him may have nothing at all to do with his overly-friendly ways.

If he can truly see where his hands have done harm, he may be able to keep his fingers on the pulse.