Making allowances

 My husband's nose crinkled. He fixed his quizzical stare - that of a man who has either smelled something rancid or doesn't understand the question - on me.

"Why on earth should we pay people to do the right and moral thing?"

We had been talking about the news; in particular incentives (monetary and other compensation) some employers (and government entities) are offering their workers to get vaccinated against COVID-19. 

He thinks it's wrong. That the altruism of obligation should be the only path lauded.

Suffering should be the gift for those who choose unwisely. 

Whereas I don't really see the problem with funding unpopular mandates if it has the potential to corral more of us toward herd immunity. 

For some reason this idea makes the hair on the back of his neck stand on end. It offends his sense of fairness.

His take doesn't surprise me. I'm the carrot, he's the stick. And fair is the thing at the end of the summer with all the rides.

He shoots me that look again. 

Discussions like these usually end in a stalemate, and have for more than a

decade as we grappled with the mechanics of how home economics

should work.

"Allowances" shouldn't just be handed to the kids, he argued. "They need to learn the value of work!"

He was also of the belief that we shouldn't pay the kids for completing household chores, seeing as how contributing to the family is an obligatory duty that is needed to advance a common goal.

 

This theory has always struck me as somewhat off, seeing as how there is only one person who ever brings the dishes and the laundry and the vacuum cleaner over the finish line. 

And it isn't him. 

"What? That knife, dangling over the edge of the sink hasn't finished it's race yet."

I don't expect miracles, not after entertaining whether it's fair that Santa gets credit for any gifts that don't fit into a stocking. 

One of the reasons our kids don't have "chores" is that we haven't managed to figure out which random household tasks fall into "job category" and which fall into the "ask not what your parents can do for you but what you can do for your parents" rubric. 

But, aside from philosophical angst and a general lack of consistency, the kids can be persuaded  to empty the dishwasher from time to time and mow the lawn once a week. I thank them by picking up their favorite snacks at the store, or springing for a trendy pair of sneakers. The timing of these gifts, often on a whim, never feels transactional. 

I can tell it bothers him sometimes they have to be cajoled or reminded. That the kindness of their hearts isn't reward enough to spur motivation. 

That it seems like it's always carrot or stick.