Sisyphus, Running

Running is often a solitary sport.

Alone, we keep our bodies in rhythm as we try to outpace our thoughts. We may charge up a hill with an upbeat tempo feeding into our headphones and roll back down, listening to the sound of the songbirds gliding along on the breeze.


It can get lonely.


Running, as a practice, is supposed to be a kind of “de-stressor.”


So, of course, one of the first rules in running clubs is: Don't talk politics. It will only make the activity distressing.


Stepping on toes, both literally and figuratively, can lead to dangerous places: quite literally a blood-pumping, heart-pounding way to a leaner, meaner you.


It can also lead to long, sole-crunching silences.


Which is exactly where I found myself after accidentally wandering into the topic of Roe-reversal at mile-two of a six-mile run: feeling like the someone had pressed the mute button on the world.


My Republican friend couldn't understand why his Liberal friends, like myself, had to keep saying the word "abortion." Especially since many people like him – well-meaning citizens without the benefit of a medical degree -- hadn't understood how many other reproductive procedures the bans might restrict.


He was just starting to understand the consequences: That the same drugs and procedures prescribed for early abortion are also prescribed for the treatment of early miscarriages; and that pharmacies may not fill those prescriptions in fear of legal reprisals. He didn't know how many procedures used to treat medical complications, including fetal demise, have been hog tied by the abortion debate as it has been written into the letter of the law. But he still feels the weight of a moral quandry: That it seems as if there are too many women who aren't being responsible with their choices. And who wouldn't want to save babies?


He knew a few women who had bad experiences or had used abortion as birth control. It didn't seem right.


So these are the stakes?


“I see the handful of people you know personally who use abortion as "birth control," and raise you the handful I've known whose abortions allowed them to continue educations, leave unhealthy relationships or saved their lives.

"This isn't politics, it's personal."


I say the words. Loudly, and with feeling.


"We can not make it our business, as a nation, to make abortion inaccessable for those who need one. Abortion must be safe, and it must be legal throughout the duration of a pregnancy because things can always go wrong. We need to ensure that women have the best healthcare for them. We have to be able to direct the course of our lives. Women should have the right to determine whether they are ready to be pregnant from the very start and that we can have the most compassionate care at the end if something goes heartbreakingly wrong. Abortion is healthcare for women."


The sounds of our running shoes scratching through gravel suddenly got louder. All other sounds retreat.


The silence startles me for a moment.


I begin to apologize, but he won't accept. He says there is no need. We are friends.


“We all just need to keep talking, keep listening, and keep trying to find common ground.”

I can't take back my position, but I want to roll back my rage.

This may be the hill I'm willing to die on, but  I rather the death be from exhaustion than getting flattened over and over by the heavy burden I tried to push up here by myself.