How do you like your coffee? Reel or Insta?

 “Did you see what I sent you?”

He’s usually sitting on the couch next to me as we divide our attention between three different screens and trying to stay alert to the beckoning of a kitchen timer.

I usually roll my eyes before I change course scrolling to check my messages. I have no idea how many times I'll have to watch this movie before I understand what's happening. 

Over the years, my husband has sent me countless videos gleaned from the internet of seemingly miraculous things:

A scratch-and-sniff “museum” in Japan that offers visitors the experience of smelling various animal butts; A bride and groom who dressed up their pet llama as a groomsman; a pygmy goat who can only relax if he’s dressed in a duck costume; an octopus unscrewing the lid of a jar from the inside; and a never-ending reel of foodie challenges that have got to be based on dares.

“Even if we had a marble counter there is no way I'd spread two jars of gravy and a cylinder of shake cheese as a way of mixing spaghetti and meatballs.”

Honestly, I had never before felt the urge to test any of these (usually) zany (sometimes crass) videos’ validity.

Until now.

All it amounted to was a tight shot of a ribbon of coffee pouring through an orange slice into a demitasse cup.

My husband had found my weakness. A coffee recipe so simple that it might even be foolproof.

Not that I was going to rush into recreating it.

I mean…  I had to watch the 30-second long video over and over despite it having only one step. Thoroughness could take days.

I mean … I had to have the perfect ingredients. This could mean at least four trips to the grocery store to take into account the number of times I leave the place with everything but what I had on my list.

I mean  … it was so simple that when I decided to try it I didn't even bother with a trial run. I was just going to record the simple process and send him my cinematic tribute via instant messenger forthwith.

Eventually, I would get it all together. 

Ready? Set? The camera was rolling now. 

I knew what to expect as I steadied my hand against it and waited for the magic to happen.

The coffee sprang forth from the espresso machine like a freight train in a winter storm. Steam and froth accompanied the brown liquid as it poured onto the slice of orange I had placed over my cup.

But instead of filtering through the sliver of citrus the espresso cascaded over the edge and created a river on the counter.

#@^&!! Internet! I laughed as I cut the video and promptly sent it off into the green chat bubble toward the mister.

Three dots later he had a helpful suggestion: 

“In the video, the orange has a hold in the center. Maybe you shouldn't get the seedless?”