A deafening quiet

 Why can’t we just say what we want?

What we really want. 

We all tend to think if we did, life would be better.

That’s not always the case. 

The truth doesn’t always make things better. 

Yet it should be ours to limit.

Why do we just smile and say “Of course, it’s ok,’ when everything inside us is screaming “THIS IS SO FAR FROM OK THAT THE LIGHT FROM OK WILL TAKE SIX MILLION YEARS TO REACH THE PLACE I AM NOW.”

That wide, tight smile doesn’t fool anyone.

Not talking about it is easier.

Of course, it’s OK … even if it makes us sad.

Life, as we all know, isn’t fair.

It’s barely just.

Are we trying to level our inherent awkwardness? The natural urge to smooth over all that presents the world as a sense of discomfort? To make the intolerable quiet and polite?

Why must we wallow in our worst thoughts?

The chip on our shoulder slowly erodes our range of mobility until we are stuck in one place.

It doesn’t need to be this way. We could just go with the flow.

Why fight against strong currents? They’ll just drown you where they wear you out.

Sometimes saying what we want or need opens possibilities. If done correctly, with thought at understanding, the simple voicing of desires can change trajectories for the better. And sometimes it can embolden the worst.

A shift in current doesn’t sway everyone. 

Of course, I can’t tell you how the stars align to produce either scenario, however, I feel luck must have something to do with it.

The daily news is nothing more than a case in point that luck may be a double-edged sword.

Those who bill themselves as wiser will helpfully explain that a lot of it comes from being prodigious in the art of choosing battles.

If I were someone else I might self-soothe with alcohol or more recently decriminalized mind-altering substances. But I have enough trouble with regular realities.

Like all the things in the news for the last half-decade that have done nothing to allay our worries. 

That states’ rights would supersede human rights.

That the highest court of the land – in the same week no less – would entertain the notions that some states won’t be required to preserve the health or life of women experiencing pregnancy-related emergencies – and that Presidents of the United States can’t do their jobs effectively if they aren’t immune from criminal prosecution. 

I must admit, I didn’t know there was a “Tunes In To Oral Arguments of The Supreme Court” years old, and that I started celebrating it two years ago without realizing it was a milestone.

What’s more, I didn’t realize I would find myself so incredulous about the decisions that seem opposed to the ideals of our democracy.

I have also reached the age that, while I disagree with arresting student protestors I hope that the law is still robust enough to ensure their day in court will absolve those who speak out with conviction no matter how disquieting.

I have to believe that the truth and good faith will prevail.