It’s the weekend, and my husband HAS to ask his inevitable question.
“What do you want for breakfast?”
It doesn’t matter that three out of four members of my household will undoubtedly tell him, ‘I’ll pass.’
It also doesn’t matter that two of the three responders are answering via text — since they happen to be waking up in dorms a couple hundred miles south (and west) of their bedrooms down the hall.
Our tone won’t exactly be pleasant, but it’s hard to decipher inside the blue bubbles. One of the kids will likely include a demand that he produce a simple calculation: “Take the number of times you’ve asked this question over the years and subtract the number of times my answer has been a big, fat goose egg - zilch.”
The other will send nothing but a smiley face, which is secreting tears.
He takes it in stride. If they were here, he’ll make enough bacon for everyone to snitch. Since no matter how much they hate breakfast, there’s always room for bacon.
“You don’t know what you’re missing,” he’ll whistle and hum, juggling the ingredients he’s pulled from the refrigerator and the pots and pans he’s pulled from the cabinets.
No matter who you consult, this could be a problem … maybe even THE problem with the grizzly bears he encounters on these otherwise glorious mornings.
Our son has a favorite bodega order: Sausage, egg, and cheese on a bagel. Side of energy drink … SEVENTEEN BUCKS.
“That is one FANCY bodega,” his sister responds in all caps. “My favorite bagel joint charges sixty cents less. I’ll swap the energy drink for a tea and the bill comes to $16.25.”
I love that the two of them will argue for a scrolling distance of about four phone screen lengths before they ascertain which of them is a better tipper; but I am flabbergasted that neither of my kids has ordered a breakfast sandwich that costs fewer than twenty dollars.
The lowly breakfast sandwich … the staple of college students everywhere … has become a dinner option.
I’m not sure why that surprised me. Back in my college days, when groceries cost significantly less, I used to freeze my yogurt cups, then skim off inches at a time so that they would last longer.
But I could get an omelette, hash browns, and a side of rye toast for $3.50 any time of day, but especially at 4 a.m. after the bars closed, which turned out to be a popular time to eat breakfast.
Neither of my kids will divulge any late-night dining practices that would tend to make their parents nervous. But, then again, times have changed as my son is happy to share.
“I was today years old when I learned there’s an economic indicator index for everything that goes into the cost of a breakfast sandwich and coffee … The price of eggs is down, but the cost of coffee is through the roof … and with energy and healthcare rising, I will probably never be getting change for that sawbuck. But then again, it’s not like we’re even going to have coins in the future, since they cost more to make than they are worth in spending power.”
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